I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
