Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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