pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
