Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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