The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
