I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
