Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
