I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
this will be a night to untag.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
