I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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