this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
