she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
