He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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