I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
