I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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