the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
