Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize