Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
