Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
