Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
