This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
be right there i have to get my cape
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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