just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
