I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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