Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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