OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
