Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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