My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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