Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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