I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
