I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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