Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
