Me too!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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