i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
