Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
