There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
