The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
