when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
