she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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