Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
