its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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