that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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