i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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