You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
