You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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