I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
