Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
