I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
