Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
