I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are a genius and a whore.
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