First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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