Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
