You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
