OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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