i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
