I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You can't special order awesome
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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