Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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