Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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