You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
