I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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