last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
