she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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