I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
