We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
