i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
