This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's blow job season.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
