I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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