I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
