Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
