you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
