this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
