I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
