Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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