One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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